just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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