I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
