Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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