spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
