I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
