The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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