"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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