Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize