dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
