When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
