38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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