U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
