she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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