When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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