The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
NoShamevember. You game?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
