I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
