capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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