she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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