True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
