i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
