I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
