suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
