The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
