never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
