I need to stop coming to work sober
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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