dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
