I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
