Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
