a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I smell like Dick and happiness
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