just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
