I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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