we have pet lesbian snakes
You can't motorboat a personality
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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