I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to sanitize my soul.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
