So drunk its hurt
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
