He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize