i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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