the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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