you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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