I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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