i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
