I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
