I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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