saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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