there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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