Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
