I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
