I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
