i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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