dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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