He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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