I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
