you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
