Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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