Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
