we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize