My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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