What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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