my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
