I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
