I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
