Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
