she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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