i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
