Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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