Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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