I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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