I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm both gender and math confused
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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