can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
