Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
